Regret
by danthezijn
Summary: A Rafe/Nate story. How it could have been if Rafe and Nathan had been closer in the years they worked together, and if Elena had given up on Nathan instead of coming back for him. Part 1 of a series.


For a second Rafe was confused. Why was Nate bringing up Hector Alcázar? That guy died in a shoot-out in Argentina six months ago. He voiced as much. Nate's expression turned to one of disbelief, his eyes turning sad. Sam looked away, guilty, and Rafe knew what had gone down.

Sam had lied. To his _little brother_.

He couldn't help the disbelieve that appeared on his own face. His arms fell to his side.

It wasn't that he had anything against Nate. On the contrary, not at all. They'd worked together for years before Nate couldn't take sitting still anymore and sought out new adventures. Rafe couldn't blame him. Hell, he'd encouraged it. While most people thought Rafe and Nate were just working together because they were useful to each other, that wasn't even half the truth. They were great friends.

Sure, Nate hadn't agreed on him killing Vargas, but Rafe could admit when he was wrong and they'd moved on. They'd mourned Sam together. They continued looking for the treasure together. They practically _lived_ together.

Nate helped him see that he was much more than his parent's legacy and money. He was his own person. Sure, they hadn't found the treasure yet, but they'd come further than anyone else and Rafe was doing it on his own, with the help of someone who voluntarily did so. He didn't have to pay Nate. He didn't have to bribe him. Nate was there because he wanted to be, because he believed Rafe to be worthy of his help and because he saw him as a friend.

Rafe loved Nate for that.

For a while, he was sure his feelings were transparent. They probably were, but to everyone _except_ Nate. Nate was as oblivious as could be. He never noticed the slight pink that dusted Rafe's face, or his sweaty palms, or his entranced and longing stares. No, he was oblivious and Rafe didn't mind it one bit.

Until he had to go and _kiss_ Nate.

It was stupid, really. They had hit another dead end, and Rafe couldn't take the frustration. He didn't want to take it out on Nate - it was not his fault - so he turned and was about to walk away when Nate grabbed his arm and spun him around. While Nate slightly squeezed his bicep and looked into his eyes, he whispered, "It's fine. We'll just keep going, there's gotta be something and we're bound to find it. Together."

That was all it took.

Surging forward, Rafe used Nate's momentary confusion and softly brushed their lips together. He leaned back, taking in Nate's wide eyes and blush. He looked _cute_. Before he could turn away again and dig himself a hole in the ground to disappear into, Nate pulled his arm forward, putting his other hand in the nape of Rafe's neck and guided him into a passionate kiss. Apparently, Rafe had been oblivious as well.

A month later, Nate had left.

Not in secret, mind you. They'd discussed it for hours, but in the end Rafe couldn't help and let the one he loved go so he could be happier again. Nate couldn't handle sitting still and doing nothing that well. They promised to stay in contact.

And they did. Nate texted him regularly, little updates of his day or things he saw that reminded him of Rafe. Rafe always responded, informing him of the progress he made and teasing Nate for something silly he'd done. The photo folder on his phone was filled with pictures of and from Nate. The distance was stifling, and he felt lonely, but he never stopped loving Nate.

If anything, he loved him more.

Nate would always send letters and packages. Little "treasures" he found, or food he thought Rafe would enjoy. Different types of coffees and teas. Notebooks of an adventure gone by, filled with drawings and pictures and witty comments. Old letters he found, bracelets, rings. Rafe saved and treasured all of them.

He tried to repay in kind. Sending care packages when Nate provided him with an address. Booking him a nice hotel room. Sending anything that reminded him of Nate.

They called and skyped as well. At the end of their day (even if it was early in the morning for the other), when they couldn't figure something out, when they missed each other or even just because. It was great.

But then _she_ came into the picture.

All this time, Rafe was scared he would lose Nate to someone. He'd come very close once. Nate told him about Chloe, but he'd been very clear that he had turned her down. And while Rafe was relieved, he wasn't an idiot. They hadn't seen each other for years. The feelings never died down, but loneliness grew with each passing day. One day, Nate _would_ meet someone he couldn't resist, if only because Rafe just _wasn't there_. And Rafe couldn't even blame him for it, because he knew he wasn't the most desirable person. Especially one someone would wait for. Especially not deserving someone as great as Nate.

So when he got a letter, detailing Nate's meeting with Elena Fisher, he knew it was over. Nate sounded so admiring but pissed at the same time, Rafe couldn't help but feel like he had already lost to her.

So he never responded.

He stopped writing, he stopped calling, he stopped texting. He changed his phone and phone number. He changed his PO box. He changed location for a while as well when he caught word of Nate returning to Scotland after his adventure in Shambhala. He did everything he could in order to avoid Nate, and it worked.

A couple years later, he got the news that Nate had gotten married. To _her_.

In a fit of rage and disbelieve, he decided to charge his old phone. He went to his old PO box to retrieve everything. All he felt was regret. Nate had apparently tried time and time again to get back into contact with Rafe. He'd left Elena, who at the time he hadn't even had feelings for, _goddamn it_ , to search out Rafe and Rafe had fled like a coward. If he hadn't just cut Nate off like that, they probably would've stayed together. If Rafe hadn't been so scared and hadn't let his own insecurities become the best of him, he would've been happy, still. But it was too late.

Nate had gotten married. And it wasn't to him.

As a result, Rafe threw himself into the search for Avery's treasure with more vigour. He hired Nadine and shoreline to help him, in order to book as much progress as possible in as little time. He caught word of Sam's survival and decided to get him out, and bring him back into the research. The thought of telling Nate crossed his mind more than once, but he didn't want that be the first thing he'd say in so many years and he was sure that Sam would do it himself.

Apparently, he'd been wrong.

Clicking his tongue, he put his gun away. Despite the confusion he could _feel_ radiating off of Nadine and her men, they did the same. This was not how he had wanted his first meeting with Nate to go. Then again, the fact that Shoreline had been trying to shoot and kill Nate and his brother for this long was probably already a bad impression. He couldn't have fucked up more.

He saw Sam, looking at him in confusion, and he saw Nate, still staring into the distance with disbelieve and sadness all over his face. Sighing, he gestured for Nadine to take Sam away. He wanted to talk to Nate alone.

While Sam reluctantly followed Nadine, Rafe walked towards Nate. Once he was sure they had their privacy, he carefully put his hand on Nate's shoulder. It seemed to do the trick.

Nate snapped out of his daze, his eyes focusing on Rafe's face immediately. A grimace came over his face, and he dragged his hand over it. Rafe took his hand back and patiently waited for Nate to gather his thoughts.

He knew the exact moment Nate had.

Nate's face turned thunderous. Taking a step back, he shoved Rafe's shoulder none too gently and spat out, "You _asshole._ "

Not knowing how to respond, Rafe just let him rage. Nate continued to yell at him, call him names, shove him, and he _let him_. He deserved all of it.

After a couple of minutes, Nate's whole demeanour crumbled. His shoulders sagged, his face went from angry to sad and his hands went to cover it. It was soft, but Rafe could clearly hear what Nate said next.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?"

Taking in a deep breath, Rafe allowed himself to smile sadly. He reached out, taking Nate's wrists and gently pulling his hands from his face. Once Nate looked up at him, his heart broke.

There were tears all over his face. His brows were furrowed, his bottom lip was almost jutted out in a full pout, his eyes shone with sadness and tears. Because of Rafe. _He_ was the reason Nate looked like this, that he felt like this. He wanted to kick his own ass.

Slowly, he pulled Nate towards his body and wrapped his arms around him in a hug. Nate could push him away, could yell at him some more. He didn't care. He wanted to fix what he'd done wrong.

Surprisingly, Nate hugged him back.

After a moment, Rafe took a deep breath and decided to respond, "If it was just a fraction of what I felt, then I have a pretty good idea." Feeling Nate pull back, he allowed him the space to be able to look him in the eye. Steeling his nerves, he decided to be fully truthful.

"The same goes for how much I missed you. How much I wanted to be with you. How much I love you. How much I wish I hadn't been stupid and hadn't let you go."

Blinking while a soft smile started to lighten up his face, Nate asked, "Then, why did you? Why did you ignore me, why did you leave?"

Grimacing at remembering exactly why, Rafe stepped back and out of the embrace. He ignored the brief flash of pain that was on Nate's face before it settled into one of curiosity. Quietly, he admitted, "Because I was scared."

Before Nate could react or interrupt, Rafe decided to just plough on, "When I got your letter detailing your meeting with Elena, I felt like I was reading a love letter. And I was scared. Scared that you would realise that she's more likeable, or better for you. I thought that because of the distance, you would feel drawn to her and eventually leave me for her. I know it was stupid, I know I should have trusted you more, but at that moment I just couldn't. I let my insecurities get the best of me and as a result I hurt you." The last part was said in a painful whisper, but he knew Nate heard him. Somewhere along his explanation, Rafe had started looking at a point in the distance, behind Nate's head. He had never regretted anything more in his life.

Feeling a warm, calloused hand on his cheek, he closed his eyes and tried to pull away. Nate was married. He was too late. Instead of allowing him to go, however, Nate just gently took his chin and tilted his head up in a kiss.

Nate was kissing him.

Pulling back, Nate pressed their foreheads together and Rafe couldn't bring himself to look away. Laughing softly, Nate replied, "You're an idiot. You were the only one for me. Hell, you still _are_ the only one for me. I love you, still, and I need you to know that." His expression turned considering for a couple of seconds, before he laughed, "Well, I would've liked it more if you had known that back _then_ , but there's nothing we can do about that _now_."

All he could feel was shock. His face probably looked flabbergasted, but he didn't care. Nate still loved him. _Nate still loved him._ Feeling a smile threatening to take over his features, he decided he needed to ask some questions while he could. First, though, "You know, most of those doubts wouldn't have existed if you had visited once in a while."

He smiled at the guilty look that Nate shot him. He didn't seem too pleased with himself when he answered, "I know. And that was entirely my fault. I was kind of intimidated with how intensely I felt for you, so I guess I was running from my problems and internal doubts as well."

Nodding, Rafe decided to finally address the elephant in the room, "You're a married man now, though. Although you need to believe me when I say that your confession brings me joy, you can't just disregard Elena like that." She was the one Nate left _him_ for, after all. She had to be pretty great.

Nate's face was pulled into a grimace. He nodded along with Rafe, though.

"I understand. Although, I think the end of our marriage has been in sight for a while now. Me leaving with Sam was the last straw. I don't…" Raking a hand through his hair in frustration, Nate sighed, "I never really _love_ loved her, you know? Yes, she's amazing and is able to put up with me and she's probably my best friend, but she's not a wife I deserve. Or really want, for that matter. It was more… I don't want to call it a convenient marriage, or something that was expected form us, but that is kind of what it was. She most likely knew that as well."

Allowing himself some time to think over the words and allowing Nate some time to think, Rafe couldn't help but feel like this was all surreal. They were standing here, together, about to start their life _together_ again.

Sam was going to be pissed.

"We'll figure it out." He said as he gave Nate a quick kiss. They had talked enough for now. First, they had a treasure to find.

A/N: This story was inspired by me rewatching a lot of Uncharted 4 lets plays. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore Nate with Elena, but after rewatching it so many times I couldn't help but notice a couple of things. How surprised Rafe actually is with Sam lying to Nate, how many chances he gives Nate to get away, how Nate is reluctant to talk about his time with Rafe. All of this probably means nothing, but I always search for reasons and this little plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone :')

Also, this story is part of a series. There will be more one shots, the lengths will vary. I was actually working on a Flashvibe story (that's still unfinished because this one kinda got in between), so that will be posted soon as well.

I hope the few of you that actually like this pairing enjoyed it!


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